


Conversations

by orkestrations



Series: Gender is Hard 'verse [22]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Okay they're all non-binary we get it, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Character, Trans Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 13:38:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18335405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orkestrations/pseuds/orkestrations
Summary: The gang is still dealing with the fallout from "Misperception", and in the middle of it all, just to make things exciting, Roman's father and step-mom decide to come back home. But before that happens, Roman wants some advice- or, at least, to scream about everything to someone who (kinda? maybe? definitely somewhat?) understands.(Takes place between "Misperception" and "Worrying")





	Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> This is the GIHV! Pronouns are as follows: Roman, they/them; Virgil, they/them; Patton, he/him; Logan, xe/xir
> 
> (you have no idea how badly I wanted to add "Virgil Says Fuck" as a tag, y'all)
> 
> Assorted content warnings: the fuck word, weed, neglectful parents, mentions/allusions to past domestic abuse
> 
> (also i made a somewhat major adjustment to Roman's family, namely, prior to this installment, his father hadn't divorced his mother, so any inconsistencies are down to that)

“Okay, something’s up,” Christine said, cornering Roman on Wednesday, a couple days after the whole storm had started. “You and Logan have both been _off_ this whole week. We’re worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Roman replied.

“Are you really?” Christine asked, kicking at the floor. “Come on- there’s fifteen minutes of lunch left. Let’s take a walk.”

Well, when Christine says ‘let’s take a walk’, you take a walk. The two of them started walking, and she spoke again once they had left the school and were out of earshot of most people.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I’m not gonna be an asshole about it,” she said.

Roman sighed. “Yes. I know. I just…” they trailed off. Christine remained quiet, letting them organize their thoughts.

“So,” they finally continued. “I have a couple of online friends. Logan and I, we’re very close to them—I’d call the two of them some of my best friends, at this point. The issue is, they’re both in their twenties.”

“So?” Christine asked. “Intergenerational friendships are important.”

“Yes,” Roman agreed. “Unfortunately, the rest of tumblr apparently doesn’t see it that way.”

“Oh, no,” Christine groaned. She shook her head. “They’re all jumping to conclusions, aren’t they?”

Roman sighed again. “Yes, they are. Terrible, horrible, no-good conclusions! Very wrong conclusions!”

“So you and Logan have been pretty damn upset about this, then,” she said, and Roman nodded. “Do you want advice, or just someone to listen?”

“I… I don’t know,” Roman replied, shrugging. The two of them walked up onto the bike path, greeting the stoners who had gathered there. One of Christine’s friends offered to let her have some of their weed, and she took a couple smokes of their blunt before she and Roman continued.

“Well,” she said, “the way I see it, you have a few options. You can just ignore the whole thing- delete anything mentioning the rumors, block the people spreading them, things like that. You can fire back- rebut things, argue, y’know, things like that. Then there’s the one I’m pretty sure you’re never going to take: you cut off your online friends.” Roman gave her the most offended look, and she laughed. “Yeah. I know. Never gonna happen. The four of you could also just… remake your accounts or something.”

“We can’t really do that,” Roman replied. “V’s tumblr is one of the ways they get support for their writing and stuff. And I have forty-five hundred followers, I don’t really want to have to rebuild that from the ground up.”

Christine hummed and bit her lip. “So, your two options left over. Ignore, or fire back. Which one have you been doing already?”

“I haven’t even posted anything other than reblogs in days,” Roman replied.

“And what’s Logan been doing?” Christine asked.

“Firing back,” Roman answered. “I guess I should back xir up…”

“If that’s not what you really want to do, then should you really do it? What’ll be best for _you_?” Christine asked.

Roman took a deep breath.

“Take some time to think about this,” she cut him off right before he spoke. “Really think about it. You don’t have to figure it out right away. What have your online friends been doing about this?”

“Well, Patton’s on vacation and forgot his phone. V’s been on off-and-on, you know, doing their best to mitigate things.”

Christine snorted. “How do you forget your phone?”

“The same way you forget your driver’s license and money,” Roman replied, smiling at her, and Christine laughed, this time a full belly laugh.

“Damn right, I guess. So. Maybe you should talk to your friends about what to do, too.”

“V already told me to let them handle it, but that was a couple days ago,” Roman said.

“Talk to them again,” Christine suggested, and then checked the time on her phone. “Come on, we gotta get back in time for class. I mean, you don’t really want to be missing choir now.”

“Oh, fuck no,” Roman replied, turning and speed walking back towards the school building. Christine quickly caught up with them, long legs carrying her further than their short ones could. They walked back to the school together, and then separated for their sixth-period classes.

 

That night, Roman was messing around, sketching on some spare printer paper, when their phone buzzed. They had been getting a lot of messages in the past few days (a side effect of the drama on tumblr, at least until they had turned off the app’s notifications), so the buzzing wasn’t unusual. Even with the tumblr notifications off, there was still Discord, as well as texts, so they didn’t really think anything of it until they picked it up and actually looked at it.

_Idonea_

_Received: 8:23 pm_

_Your father and I are going to be getting home Thursday afternoon. We should be there by the time you get back from school. When do you get out? I can pick you up._

Roman groaned and threw their phone onto their bed. Just what they needed—their father and step-mother coming back, right in the middle of… all this. When the universe shat on them, it shat hard.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:27 pm_

_I already have a ride arranged. I’m going over to a friend’s house after rehearsal that day, too, so I probably won’t be home until late, or the day after._

_Idonea_

_Received: 8:27 pm_

_Rehearsal? For what?_

Oh. They hadn’t actually meant to mention rehearsal to her. Although, between her and their father, she was probably less likely to be mean about them being in theatre than he would be.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:28 pm_

_School play_

_Nothing super important_

_Idonea_

_Received: 8:28 pm_

_Oh, that’s exciting! When is it?_

They should’ve known- she was an all-over art nut, of course she would ask about when their play was. Maybe she’d be out of town when it was running?

_Me_

_Sent: 8:29 pm_

_In a couple weeks_

_Idonea_

_Received: 8:29 pm_

_Do you want me to come?_

Well. That sure was a question. Did they want her to come? Their knee-jerk reaction was to say no, but… was that honestly true?

They laid in bed for a couple minutes, burrowing under the covers as they thought. It was warm, and they were already feeling a bit sleepy and drowsy, but they couldn’t sleep. There was too much on their mind, both immediate issues now fighting for prominence in their brain.

Well… there were definitely people in their life who had dealt with sticky family situations before, right? V, Elliot and their siblings to an extent… Certainly some of the other drama kids, as well, that they could reach out to.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:34 pm_

_Okay so my step-mom knows about the play and I think she wants to come? But she asked me if I wanted her to come? What do?_

_V_

_Received: 8:34 pm_

_well do you want her to_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:34 pm_

_I don’t know!!!_

_V_

_Received: 8:34 pm_

_well i’m gonna need some background info_

_do you even like her?_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:35 pm_

_I barely know her_

_She’s barely around_

_She’s always off traveling with my father_

_Oh and UUUUGGHHH they’re both gonna be home this weekend_

_V_

_Received: 8:35 pm_

_oh Joy. how long have the two of them been married?_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:35 pm_

_Year and a half now_

_V_

_Received: 8:35 pm_

_do you_ want _to get to know her?_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:35 pm_

_I don’t know!? Like. I don’t think she’s a terrible person but just look at her taste in_ men

All the questions were… mildly infuriating. Okay, they could see the point of them, Virgil didn’t know a huge amount about Roman’s homelife beyond the basics: parents divorced, dad never around, dad remarried. So. Okay. It was only the first and last one that were really irritating. They had already said they didn’t know.

_V_

_Received: 8:36 pm_

_fair point. you could try talking to her, form a more informed opinion about her_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:36 pm_

_Wow You Sound Like Logan_

_V_

_Received: 8:36 pm_

_funny. almost like i’ve been talking to xir a lot recently. i mean, it could help a lot if you get a better idea of what she’s like_

Roman kicked their blankets off and stood up. Talk to Idonea? They had barely talked to her beyond the few times they’d accidentally inhabited the same space before. And… if they were being honest, they wanted to like her. They still had to inhabit the same general sphere of existence as her for the next year, and possibly the four or five after that, since they were mostly banking on their parents (and scholarships) to pay for college.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:36 pm_

_Yeah. And what if I hate her???_

They started pacing as they waited for the next text.

_V_

_Received: 8:37 pm_

_there’s always the chance she’s actually a terrible person. and that you’ll hate her. or she’ll hate you. trust me, i know that feel way too fuckin well._

_but would it be better if you Knew, for you? that’s the question you kinda gotta ask yourself_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:37 pm_

_Yeah but how do you know when you Know???_

Ugh, they really shouldn’t be… _like this_ , about all this. They’re _Roman Prince_ , for Pete’s sake, they know exactly what they want and exactly how to get it.

Except this seemed to be the exception. The whole _week_ seemed to be the exception. They didn’t know _anything_ about what the next move should be, and, oh, they just wanted to scream--

_V_

_Received: 8:38 pm_

_i guess you kinda just realize it eventually? like there was no point when i went “aha, this is a good person and i like them” with patton and my other friends, i just kinda realized one day that, oh, hey, these people are good people and i really like them a lot._

Virgil’s first text interrupted their train of thought, and then about as soon as they finished reading it, another one arrived.

_you’re anxious about just talking to her, aren’t you? i get that. i mean, if it’s something anxiety-related, i’ve probably got a disorder relating to it. so. like. if you need some tips for managing that, i’ve got plenty._

Anxious. Roman. Anxious. They paced harder, kicking their hamper as they passed by it. Their fingers thudded against their phone screen as they typed their reply.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:39 pm_

_It’s a hoot, right? Me, Roman, the most out-and-proud queer kid at school, biggest attention hog, loves being the star on center stage, anxious about talking to their step mom? It’s kinda pathetic. I should be able to just act my way through it, but no._

_V_

_Received: 8:40 pm_

_no, it’s not pathetic. like. she’s your step-mom. if she’s a good person, you should give getting to know her a shot._

_Me_

_Sent: 8:41 pm_

_She’s my step-mom, and yet I see her_ maybe _twice a month. She’s not doing a very good job at it._

_V_

_Received: 8:42 pm_

_ultimately, it’s up to you, and whether you want to get to know her, to try and have that relationship there at all. one of the things i struggled with the longest was how i treated my step-mom. i had my chance at having a good mom, and i screwed it up. if you have that chance, i don’t want you to lose it without realizing it like i did._

The bed creaked as they sat down on it with a huff. How were they supposed to respond to that? Except… something bugged them, about what was said in that text. It took them a few moments to pin it down, but they did.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:42 pm_

_You don’t have to answer, but how did you screw it up? If she was so good, how could you have possibly have screwed that up?_

As soon as they hit send, they knew they had more to say, and it only took a few seconds for them to type and send.

_Aren’t good parents supposed to always be there for their kids?_

…Virgil was taking a while to reply. Although, Roman had just asked a very personal question, so they were well within their right to not answer, or to take however long they needed, but… it still made them kind of worried. There was a pencil on their desk—they picked it up and rolled it between their fingers, just to give them something to do.

_V_

_Received: 8:44 pm_

_well. it’s. complicated. i had been going downhill for several years by that point, so we were already rocky, and then i said some very offensive things and ran away with my boyfriend and haven’t been in contact with my family in almost 8 years._

_Me_

_Sent: 8:45 pm_

_Well, why haven’t you talked to them? You could at least let them know you’re okay._

_V_

_Received: 8:46 pm_

_now_ you’re _sounding like patton. and god, it really is that simple. i just… feel like i have so much to still work through before i can even consider talking to them. like… don’t let me fool you, i’m still a complete mess._

Honestly, the only one of them who wasn’t a complete mess was Patton, and even that was questionable sometimes.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:47 pm_

_Oh, don’t worry, we all know you’re a complete mess, Edge-nos. You’ve… given me a lot to think about._

_V_

_Received: 8:47 pm_

_as if you needed more on your mind, right?_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:47 pm_

_No, it’s been helpful. Thanks. And, uh, about the stuff on tumblr… don’t let it get you down_

_Like, kinda terrible point, it’s all horrible_

Ugh… the conversation needed something to bring it out of the heavy places it had gone. It took a moment, and then Roman smiled. They knew the exact thing.

_But you’re pretty neat and if they can’t all see that then that’s their | || || |__

_V_

_Received: 8:48 pm_

_[image: is this loss.jpg]_

_i think you were going for heartwarming but you just got dumb instead. good luck with the thinking thing—we all know you need all the luck you can get with that_

_Me_

_Sent: 8:48 pm_

_Hey!_

_V_

_Received: 8:48 pm_

_that was for the edge-nos comment_

Conversation concluded, Roman knew what they wanted. They were worried, of course, but. Well. They could at least give her a chance, right? They’d never know unless they tried.

And so they sent off another text, to Idonea.

_Me_

_Sent: 8:52 pm_

_Yeah_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a half hour later when they suddenly remembered.

**_Theatre Gay:_ ** _Is anyone free to have me hang out with them on Thursday after rehearsal? I just totally told my parents I was going to be hanging out at someone’s house then when I don’t actually have plans for that_

**Author's Note:**

> So you know that feeling when you just kinda randomly decide to add yet another subplot to an already complex story  
> anyways uuuuhh how long can i drag out the Virgil's family reveal until y'all get mad at me  
> i hope y'all enjoyed. please kudos if you did, and please comment with thoughts, opinions, theories about what comes next, theories about how long until the next update....  
> with love,  
> kestrel  
> (they/them, he/him, zie/zir)  
> (oh, yeah, this installment should have us past 50k words! thanks for sticking with me so long!)  
> (my sanders sides tumblr is @logically-analytical)


End file.
